And you will know me by trail of radiohead pins (keeplikeasecret) wrote,
And you will know me by trail of radiohead pins

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late nice arent that night

I feel as if I've fallen yet again into a state of depression. I just can't keep myself myself lately. Every ounce of enthralling thoughts and muses just quickly evaporates the very moment they collect there in my brain. I know it shows in my actions lately. I can't pinpoint quite what makes me feel this way cause its more than one one bad thing then catalyzes and causes a whole freakin' string of screw ups and messy things. Well my b-day happens to be in the Drama and Critisism period of the year so I guess these depression periods are in my nature...oh how I wish they could make Zoloft into a some kinda sweet yummy drink...after that i would be gulping down every last drop every day...

Last night I was stuck in ben's friend's place...which i was content w/ initially b/c it was an opporitunity to fall asleep next to ben and all...Instead things took a turn for awful because they had the tv on for four hours or so after I first decided I needed to crash and sleep...and the floor was so sleeping on a rock. Me and ben kept growing really really horny at times on the floor with the blanket tent shelter, totally in world away from the other two pals there which i felt wrong about doing...but we kept pushing to do that stuff despite the fact that they were there and observing us, or well the constantly moving blanket w/ us two lumps under it lol...I know it doesn't bother me much to see other people in action nor make me at ill ease but this is through the eyes of a girl who is peace-loving and accepting and open-minded w/ everything...but I mean sometimes it can make me squirmy and i donno...but only b/c I feel I'm intruding in their personal private time tis all. i just felt wrong though, all wrong doing that there..and persistantly...we were constantly like non-stop smooching...that and just going against partents all the time like that, well more both our moms specifically...moms tend to be like that, more close-minded and unwilling to accept their children are grown-up and such...yeah, we are often leading them out of believing that sex is what we do when we hang out, but we go against them and do it...why can't they just accept that this is the point of time for hormones to be at their peaks, just accept that youth is comes and gos before our eyes...and this is all a part of growing and expanding and living life to its fullest...ugh sex is only so controversial because many religions have grown opposed to it or something of the like and religion stretches years and years back into the history of man, has lead us to believe its full of rotton things...but they began to see it as rotten b/c its only purpose then was to bring children into lives and children would often be burdens if you wound up w/ too many of them so therefore something had to be done, a messege had to be put through that it was wrong to have sex w/out marrige first and all that crap only b/c they didn't have the technology of this age...birth that we have it things are safer, visions *should* change and more positive tends to come out of having sex than negative from all that I have read and such...anywho, best to stop discussing now for i'm cloudy-eyed...

My dad was slightly over the edge this evening from drinking too much at the Scotts' place. He still is..just went upstairs like two min ago kinda urging me a little more heavily than ever before to get up to bed soon. uck. I'm tired so i guess i will heed to his word. I...don't look forward to tomorrow b/c my dad's slight drunkeness allowed many built up rages and feelings inside my dad, lead him to call up my mom blast to her over the phone about my working tomorrow b/c i hadn't made plans to work to begin w/ just meet w/ the boss Connie and discuss my schedual for the upcoming weeks...i'd like to work from like 8 to 12 or 1 if that's possible..i hope it is :D anywhoz,
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