I was speakin' to Soto 'bout Mr. Donovan that math teacher in the Rotten Shit erhem...Roton school lol...first time bringing that name up in soo long...later on that day I'm waiting to be picked up at NCC and who comes walkin' out the door where I'm waiting!??? MR D! It freaked me out to seem him again and I was freakin' him out too...really really uncomfortable meeting, I got bad vibes lol...I think Roton students permanently fucked up his brain lol...
Then I have those dreams...last night I dreamt that I was wearing a Radiohead shirt and my bag with all the pins in a school somewhere, not Plymouth, and out of the blue everyone starts singing a song off of the Bends, well I hear it on the school radio and I start it off and I'm shocked when everyone else tunes in, of course I don't appreciate it b/c I'm supposed to be the only fan but I have my bag w/ the pins to show off and no else does and that proves I'm the absolute fan lol...so how does this link to my coincidences?? Well...those 9 Radiohead pins...the same set I bought two years back, it came in the mail today!!!!! I was totally not expecting those to come, nor have I been wondering where they are recently...yeah last week sometime..but didn't even give thought at all this week...and then I dream of radiohead and having the pins on my bag to prove I'm into Radiohead more than the rest of the school's population is lol....gah that was a mouthfull there!
Just last night I was looking at that Astrology profiles book again and for the first time pondered to myself "Hrm...when will I ever meet someone born on the very first Astrological sign of the year, March 21st...I wonder what those people are like...hrmm..".<~~that was the very first time musing that. Today I had the pleasure of talking to Chris, this dude who sits next to me in my psychology class, on the AIM tonight. Soon enough I get to ask him that burning question "so dude, when's your b-day?" and I was expecting he'd answer either a Virgo or Capricorn date for some reason but instead he tells me its in march, its MARCH 21st!!!!
Gosh I love how I can just totally relate with soto in terms of the way we think and how view life...our humor is almost identical, and I so hope he isn't readin' this, which he prolly won't be since he rarely goes in his to update his journal haha...but. Of all the people I speak w/ on here and in real life I get along with Soto the most...but yeah I'd express myself a little more and you would *know* there's some kinda relation between our personalities if not for this inhibiting social anxiety...and yeah birth order also plays a role though...he's the younger of siblings in his family...me, I'm the older one, meaning more mature and reserved...less likely to blurt things out hehe
Below is just a lil advice written to my friend Carl who's going through something entirely similar to what I've been through. Hearing his situation encouraged me to spit out this advice (haha nice way to put that, huh lol) and I've realized that the advice I'd given to him is some I can give myself too which is pretty neato. I'm glad I haven't lost sight of what possiblities are to come. I'm glad I now see all the love around me and I'm not letting it all slip away!!! :D But oh yes, more on his situation. He was hearing less and less from his now ex, Nichole...it was tearing him apart how she would not contact and keep in touch or anything of the sort...he thought it would last longer, he thought she was true and sincere and all that she said and she prolly was...but i donno she may have said things on the phone on one of the rare occasions they actually got to talk to eachother that were sweet and sounded truthfull and in actuality were lies...think that was the case...She calls him up, a few days back now, to let him know that she can't be in the relationship anymore...also admits she was kicked out of her house...I don't know too many details about this though so I won't really expand on it unfortunately lol...But yes, distance is killer. Some can make it work but most of the time it fails. The relationship just isn't the same when u can't see/touch/share a day with that person when you wish too because they are just too far away. She is five hours from him....I was five hours too...distance just ruptures the bond...only the strong can make it strong again but most aren't capable unfortunatley but that's okay. When one's strong and the other partner isn't it causes an unbalance and unbalance breaks the bond...sad, but that's life. So for anyone who knows they will in the future be far from there partner heads up to you, talk to your partner about it before hand because it may seem like nothing at first, not until you actually experience it will you know what the effects can be. Either make promises to stay strong, discuss issues and cons to staying together with the long distance inbetween and break up before hand.
"Just think back to before you met her and before you knew her name,
Then think back to the moment you met her.
She was just another girl then.
Someone who you knew very little about.
But then, little by little you picked up and more and more facts about her life. All these bits and peices you'd amassed and collected over the days you knew her built up to create this high, supreme image you hold of her. Made you believe "Oh there is only one person out there who is worth spending the rest of time with, only one." But you would be wrong to think this. Billions of people live out in the world surrounding us. Just think for a second. One million seconds is approx. two weeks......but one *billion* seconds is 32 YEARS.
Now that she's gone you have a chance to get to know another person as well as you knew her. You have to remember you can pick another girl at random and do just the same cause everyone has the same splendour about them. You can only see this splendor after knowing them day after day, collecting facts about who they are and such.
Time can make all the difference. Sure enough time winds on and on and you will start to see another girl in the same light, I'm sure. Eventually you'll forget about Nichole and see everything this new girl has to offer. Don't give up everything just because one person lets you down. Look at it as a fabulous opporitunity to search another living soul. You'll very soon realize how foolish it was to think there was only *one* out there for you because there is *so* not.
Just a lil advice :D"
Yeah its not worth fighting to stay with someone who won't change, who isn't willing to treat you nicely with respect, especially one who doesn't openly admit they love you any more. I deserve more and someone else deserves my love. It is a dissapointment, how I for the first time was able to confess to a guy that I loved them...that was a major struggle for a long time. Even a struggle to discover I actually felt love for him, only after I'd woken up to the fact that it was true love could I announce the L word of course, I'm not insincere and don't overuse it and all.
Fighting is to defend. I will not fight for what is lost now because fighting is for defending only and he's not you know threatening me in any way...yes "there are things you can't avoid you have to face them when youre not prepared to face them". End of story. Move on and if he comes back he comes back and if he doesn't so what...lets not dwell on that, hope for that...at this point it is best for me to start over with someone who is wanting me, who sees me as beautiful, who sees potential in me and himself being together. That is what will ahppen...and yes...will happen soon :)
School is fullfilling, completes my day but I just feel that I should be doing other things...initiating projects on my own in all this spare time I have...I'm creative, how come I can't put my creativeness to use now, huh? Why can't I put myself to working on something creative...well...I'm going to continue to sleep on that, but its not like what I've done the past few nights has brought me to any conclusions as to where I should go, what I should do...When it comes down it though, why am I yearning to start up a creative thing in the first place...it's not entirely just to take away boredom but its to gain more recognition I suppose, I wish to be noticed and to be noticed ya do things to get noticed :D I certainly do have a lot of things to be working on though for example, brushin' up my Japanese, reading into current events and learning how to stop world hunger and volunteering and all that...but yeah I guess I'm just being kinda like all other Americans, wanting things and wanting them as quickly as possible...in this case its the recognition..I would like to find a project I can complete quickly and thereafter gain alot of recognition for it...what other than composing music and being in a band huh...recording songs...sometimes it can be instant fame as opposed to studying a foriegn language day upon day, learning all there is to know and impressing someone with your fluency...but that hard work doesn't get you the same recognition, no no no...which *SUCKS* yes. :) Anywho...gotta go now...sleepin' a bit earlier tongiht...peace!
Oh right and I'm going to possibly get a tatoo when Carl gets one either Friday or Sat...I'll have to ponder a bit more...hrm...I'm outta money tho rah ahwell
You where only waiting for this moment to arise…blackbird fly, blackbird fly. :)
Yes, last thing....d i e t n o w is n eeeee eeeeee ddddd eee dddd!!!!
Current Mood: contemplative