And you will know me by trail of radiohead pins (keeplikeasecret) wrote,
And you will know me by trail of radiohead pins
keeplikeasecret

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found another one...isn't quite as funny tho lol...but still, pretty informative..
The rest of signs on site...not puttin' link this time b/c all the dates of signs are off...ex, aquarius isn't Feb12 to Mar13 but Jan20 to Feb 19 : \

what they say about scorpios, my dad is true, that they do terrible things to small animals : \

so true about the aries :[

"To confirm your worst fears regarding your Sun constellation, the
brilliant psychologist and logician Dr. Pluto N. Mundo, that
curmudgeon of the Star Constellation Zodiac himself, presents the -

HORRIBLE-SCOPE IN THE STAR CONSTELLATIONS


PISCES (FEB 20-MAR 21) You have a vivid imagination and sense of drama
and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI...or else you
are following them as a double agent. When you are off work, you tend
to see spirits, and so as an astral lover, you have no peer. In
general, you are an affable actor and like leading a double life as well
as an other-worldly life. The extraordinary emotion is your all!
Whether following your spiritual "Guides" or taking a Hitchhiker's Tour
of the Universe, traveling is your thing. Catch a falling star or a
flying saucer to Peru-that's the trip for you! The All is your All!
And the Act Must Go On! Dedicated to the glamorous, fantastic, and
deceptive, Pisces are incapable of fidelity and make good spies or car
sales-persons. In general, Pisces people are drunks, opium smokers,
writers, actors, psychics, and other creative types. You think reality
is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. You'd love living at
Disneyland.

ARIES (MAR 21-APR 20) You are the independent type and hold most people
in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, scornful of advice,
blunt and abrupt. You like to do things your own way; your arrogance is
disgusting. You thinks there's only your way and the wrong way to do
things. You are continually at odds with anyone who does not support
your narrow ideals. You are flash-in-the-pan lover (fast to fizzle out)
and nobody will go to bed with you twice. You set yourself up for
shallow, sexual encounters wherein you claim conquest. You should
become a photographer so you will have some way to remember all the one-
nighters. Besides being rotten in bed, you lack other social graces.
Naturally you are in the vanguard of any new movement since you can't
make it in polite society. You are not very nice. Hence, you make a
great Capitalist. Politics is your favorite game and Machiavelli is
your spiritual leader.

TAURUS (APR 21 - MAY 22) You are congenial, serious, a natural environ-
mentalist, and thick in the neck. Respecting "the Natural" means that
at Christmas, you won't even "Kill a Tree for Jesus!" You're the
only one worrying about the ozone layer. Because you "loaf and invite
your soul," you are sensuous, oversexed, and eat too much. You even
cook. "Good friends and good food" summarizes your philosophy. But
family values are your favorite thing, and you come from and reproduce
large families. Obviously you are a lover and main contributor to the
population explosion. Worse than a Communist, you might even be a
worshipper of Nature and the Great Mother. All this 'groundedness in
mind and skyclad body' stuff is just a coverup for a mother complex and
incestuous impulses. You have too many close relatives.

GEMINI (MAY 22-JUN 22) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. You
approach life like a game. And creating computer games is your most
lucrative occupation. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted,
but you will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack
of ethics. Geminis are inclined to try to get too much for too little
because they are clever enough to do so; this means you are cheap as
well as a thief and pervert. Jack of all trades, the nimble, the quick!
You would do well as a Talk Show or TV Game Host. Just tapdancing your
way through life! But people like you because you are bisexual and have
no sticky emotional ties to either sex. People also tend to think you
are a swinger because you are entertaining and musically talented. You
have a sense of playfulness and youth and never grow up, so people
overlook your Peter Pan Complex. Hence, you best represent the American
Way of Life, and the Pepsi Generation.

CANCER (JUN 22 - JUL 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to
people's problems. Therefore you make a good follower. People think
you are a sucker and a soft touch. You have a lively imagination and
respond well to TV commercials and soap operas, on which you are as
dependent as if they were your family or welfare check. You think you
know what people like, but you have no discrimination in lovers and will
make do with any bum with magnetic appeal. You collect all kinds of
junk as your artistic taste runs to knickknacks, and gingerbread,
rococo, over-ornamentation. At best, Cancers have the personality of
fuller brush salesmen or politicians. All for the gratification of the
moment! You do well running your mouth, but your brains and your thighs
are full of putty, and you are lazy and fat.

LEO (JUL 22 - AUG 23) You consider Yourself a Born Leader. Others think
You are a pushy, ego-tripper. Because You are so full of Yourself, You
have what it takes to survive a Presidential Campaign. You tend to be a
liberal, right-wing Republican Baptist, a supporter of God, Motherhood
at any cost, Virginity, U.S. Military Expansion, and Absolute Monarchy.
You decorate Your home with pictures of Yourself and read books on the
Rich & Famous. You think driving a Big, Expensive car makes You
Important, and You think any job You have is a Career. Since You
believe any flattery, You definitely accept all compliments graciously
and can thus be easily prevailed upon. You love Titles and Status
Symbols and show great generosity to menials who You require around You
to witness to Your Superiority. You don't notice how bad Your lover is
in bed if he or she has Expensive Taste and looks good. Leos are known
as very self-confident, competent, Braggarts and Bores.

VIRGO (AUG 23 - SEP 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. You
own too many dictionaries, health and reference books. You hang
pictures straight and do your income tax expertly. This knit-picking is
sickening to your friends of whom you have very few. Before the
improbable event of your having an affair, you organize your underwear,
calculate extra laundry costs, and expect health certificates from
prospective lovers. You are unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while
making love if you aren't planning your next week's schedule. Daily
routine is your favorite mania. However, Virgos make good ashtray
cleaners, budget planners, librarians, sanitation inspectors, and
professional virgins. You think if you make a list, you know what
you're doing. You wash your hands too much. Lady MacBeth is your God
Mother.


LIBRA (SEP 23 - OCT 22) You are the artistic type, get along with people
too well, and therefore are judged to have a difficult time with
reality. Since Libras are absent-minded compromisers, people tend to
think them devious because nobody believes in unselfishness. You prefer
politeness, appeasement and reconciliation to standing up for yourself.
Luckily, congeniality is not hereditary. Your stylistic sense of True
Colors makes you an excellent decorator. Good thing, because you have
no true grit. But chances for employment and monetary gains are
excellent anywhere you can be a professional "Yes-sayer." Since you are
a hopeless Romantic and hardly ever meet a person you don't like,

SCORPIO (OCT 23 - NOV 22) Though straight-forward and energetic, Scorpios
are also argumentative, fiesty, uncouth and like offending people.
Scorpio men are macho-chauvinists, have smelly armpits, and think sex is
all muscle and calisthenics. The Wham Bam approach. Scorpio women are
tomboys and make good lady wrestlers. You are all accident-prone and
love bragging about your scars. In general, Scorpios like dirt, mud-
slinging, and other acts of passion. Only snakes would think Scorpios
are charming. For you, 'working it out' & 'going for the burn' in
exercise, love, or war is a good way of life. You don't know when to
give up. You believe that 'God loves a Grunt' and that 'getting down &
dirty' is next to godliness. Your next-best idea of heaven is the
Olympics. The Jock mentality is the only one you've got, and you are
successful in athletic pursuits where bad temper and argument is
rewarded. Most Scorpios are murdered by other Scorpios--and should be.
You do terrible things to small animals.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22 - DEC 21) You are optimistic and have a reckless
tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. You tend to think
positive and so get more out of life than you deserve. You prefer to
see 'half-empty' as 'half-full." You believe that too much of a good
thing is wonderful, and that God will provide that for you. The
majority of Sagittarians are status-seekers, snobs, religious fanatics,
and other kinds of gamblers. You really do think it matters what other
people think of you. You are houseproud and undersexed and a Bible-
toter. Your only love affairs will be Platonic. Your personal mantra
is "Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better!" This does
not apply to your nightlife. Because of your incessant goodness, you
drive your spouses to drink and into extra-marital affairs. You will
die devoutly living the good life and traveling as a distinguished
Yuppie.

CAPRICORN (DEC 21-JAN 20) You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are skeptical in all matters but believe in work like a
religion. You are so responsible, you feel guilty if you have fun. You
take 'Dull' to new lows. You think functional practicality is the only
consideration, and have no capacity for emotional rapport. You really
can live on bread alone. Capricorns are miserly, anal-retentive, live
in unfurnished gothic rooms, and eat from generic-labeled tin cans.
Surviving an economic depression is your favorite thing; you framed your
first dollar. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You
have no sex drive and don't even masturbate (saves energy!). You are a
rotten conversationalist and would tend to make good only as a vivi-
sectionist or mortician. Morbidity becomes you.

AQUARIUS (JAN 21 - FEB 20) You have an inventive mind, are inclined to be
progressive and opportunistic, and like to do your own thing. You
obviously smoke too much dope. Because you are organized enough to just
go about getting things done, people think you are offbeat, cool,
and non-committal. You tend to volunteer for things like the first
space flight to the Moon. You are tolerant of others, support communal
living and love-ins rather than war, are offhand about paying your
debts, and are therefore obviously an anarchist. You don't care who you
sleep with as long as there is variety. Otherwise, Aquarians make good
social welfare workers-that is, when they are not traveling the globe
living off whoever will take them in. Since you don't care how you
look--plaids with stripes and no two socks alike--people think you are
stupid and lazy. You believe in the universality of all people. Hence,
you are a threat to the status quo."
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